Hillary’s Corner

42

By Hillary Landau

42 is a great number. I prefer odds though. So 41. 41 is what I’m going with, for now.

At 41, in 2024 early October, the tiny spark of life ignited and the cells of baby multiplied. We didn’t know what was being created inside me. For three weeks, we lived like we always did. One night, we went to a concert in Austin and rode a very long and sketchy route on electric scooters through Saturday night traffic back to our parking spot. Yikes, baby was in tow. Soon enough, October 30th, we would find out what was up!

3 weeks before little baby was conceived, I went to the emergency room with blood pressure so high they assumed I was having a heart attack. While I was at work I began to feel dizzy and all out of sorts. I could feel my heart wasn’t normal. My head was spinning and worried that something was really wrong. When I went to see the school nurse, she had me call Jack immediately to come and get me and take me to the ER. That night I got an EKG, an MRI with contrast, and an XRay. All saying I was fine. I was so scared. I was told I have a reason to be in the ER but not a reason to stay. My bloodwork said I needed to take more care of my liver but I left there with the recommendation to follow up with my GP. Back to October 30th. I took a pregnancy test and boy was that a shock.

Jack and I had been  trying to conceive for the past 5 years with no luck. We kept it kind of a secret and if anyone asked we would tell them that we are keeping it up to nature. Secretly, we both really wanted a kiddo. I had convinced myself that I was too old and the likelihood I was going to have a baby was super slim. Being 41 and finding out I was pregnant scared me even more than the visit to the ER. This level of scared was not just for me and my body, but for my baby as well. 

I was blessed with silver hair starting when I was 21 and covered it up until I was 38. So many years of covering up such a beautiful color. So being 42, silver hair, and very pregnant you can imagine that I confused some people. Children were the only ones that would speak up about the confusion. “How can you be having a baby and be a grandma?” I just love the complete honesty of children. It’s refreshing honestly.

My little Cinco (JFL V) was born in June of 2025. And what a spark of life he is! We are so blessed!  At 42 & 11 months, a grey haired older gentleman asked me in the checkout if I was babysitting today. After a long pause and a breath, I said “yes, and it’s been a great day.”

Now 43, and loving this life God gave me, I am thankful for the time it took to have baby Cinco because now I can look back and know, it just wasn’t the right time. Because now I have even more wisdom in the form of flowy silver hair, more love in my heart from the anticipation, a body that kept a little baby safe, and courage to keep going through the hard days and nights. Being a mom is so freaking cool!